Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Spiders and fibro-friendly food. (no relation)

So tonight at about 2am I decide it's time for dinner. Because, when you have Fibromyalgia, sometimes you can't do stuff. Like sleep. Or wash dishes. And with no leftovers to forage I had to get creative. And by "get creative" I mean look at my Pinterest recipe board for inspiration on what potato-based food I could make without having to do dishes. This recipe did nicely. The only thing I had to do was slice potatoes. I cooked it in my toaster oven too, thereby not creating unnecessary heat by using the oven (and avoiding the need to wash the cookie sheet).

As my delicious potato nachos are cooking I see...well...here's what I have copypasta'ed from my Facebook:

"If you were at my house right now you'd be like, "Jen, why is your Wii Fit board sitting on top of a Mr. Beer kit with a sign that says, 'Do not move, big fucking spider inside'?" And I would reply with the following:

So, I'm making a midnight snack (i.e. dinner) when out of the corner of my non-glasses-wearing-eyes I see what looks like a mouse skitter across the floor. I think, "eep!" but also "it's okay because Moussie's looking at it intently and she'll teach it a lesson for coming into this cat stenchy house." and then as I approach, barefooted and thus with caution I see it is not a mouse. In fact, the part that I thought was a mouse was the giant spiders body - its legs being nearly invisible to me as I cannot see any of the things.

So, obviously the logical course of action is to PANIC.

I rip open all the cupboards for something huge enough to cage this fucking TAURANTULA (ok, it's not really but it sure is the size of one) and I settle on the biggest bowl I can find - a big cereal bowl. Slip on flip flops (really Jen?) and approach. Yeah. No. Hand will be too close to mutant lava spider.

Find G's Mr. Beer kit. It has a small opening but the ...thingie that you pour the beer out of allows for a convenient hand-hold far enough away from the spider to prevent it from killing my face if I don't manage to trap it.

So I DO manage to trap it but I'm worried that the sheer mass of this fucking beast will knock over the lightweight keg. So then I put the WII on top, thereby basically advertising to every animal in the house, "Please come try to lay on this." But that spider's not going to hulk-heave the container out of place now.

Then I thought I better leave a note for G in case I'm asleep when he gets up. So I did. and I will attempt to get a photo in the AM."

And I don't know if I'll ever get my act together enough to post that kitchen table "tutorial" but I do LOVE the table. 

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