Monday, May 14, 2012

Nudism, Chickens and Housewifery.

Okay, so there was this one time where I didn't have internet for eleventy billion years because I moved. I moved way the f*** away from the hellhole I used to inhabit. If I were a marine I would make some gutteral germanic sounds in celebration.

Since my last post I have:
Become a nudist
Become a housewife
Become a crazy chicken lady

I shit you not.

My husband finally got the job he had been working on getting for 10 months. We now live on a 2 acre farm. The previous occupants left behind one lone hen who, after a week of solitude and no water or shelter, was emaciated and sleeping on my fence post. And I CAUGHT her. Her name is Hecubah. She is my new best friend. I got her a few other friends (three, tomorrow the number will be five). Now I have an organic free-range, cruelty free chicken farm/rescue. Please send me your unwanted chickens (if you live in North-Central California). Also, Ducks. Also I stopped eating chicken.

So, it's really hot here. Like 100+ degrees hot, every day. I always said that when I got old I'd become a crazy cat lady nudist and the only clothing I would wear would be really elaborate hats. Then I thought, "I could die tomorrow." So, I became a crazy nudist chicken lady without the hats. The problem is I don't have any privacy fencing so I started researching how to become a nudist and I found mostly stuff about getting used to not wearing underwear. It inspired me to someday create a comprehensive "How To Become a Nudist" ...thing. It will discuss various fencing options, what the legal ramifications of public nudity are and how to deal with peeping tom neighbors. So far I have not had to deal with any of these issues so, you know, stay tuned.

P.S. The term "naturist" reminds me of someone's parents who, back in the 70's, tried to become swingers by going to "naturist" retreats. I'm sure the term is perfectly legit and I'm probably breaking some nudist code here, but I just prefer the term nudist. Or nudie-nudie-booty.

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